Your feelings on Integrity…
Integrity is an act of loyalty to one’s honesty. These aren’t just words this means something, what do you think ?
Loyalty vs. Self-Preservation
The following is a conversation that was spurned by a question posed to the Facebook page. It inspired some really interesting dialogue, so I figured I would include it here. I would be very interested to hear your two cents, so add in as you see fit.
-Seven
Clare: Ok, this is something I have been thinking about lately. I know loyalty is important but at what point do you decide that you are being loyal to the wrong person or the wrong cause??? In my situation, it took me a while to realize that one of my friends is toxic. All of the people close to me have pointed out that she is not a good friend, she doesn’t bring anything positive to my life etc. Sometimes I don’t know when to stop being loyal to my friends and be loyal to myself. Any thoughts on this? Thanks!
Ahmad: If there’s one thing I’ve learned is that your friends will be your downfall if your not careful. Now of course friends will come and go but if there’s anytime you have to question someone’s friendship, talk to that person about it, go straight to the source! Do do that bullshit “rumor” mill. Every friendship should be 100 %! Just one link in a friendship can fuck it it up for everyone. You say your other friends already said she’s offset or shady and you’ve also realized it. What if word gets back to her? Now she starts to choose sides and and play everybody in the the whole group! Now everyone’s loyalty and integrity is at question!
Real recognize real lil homegirl! – PATIENCE
Damien: I wish there was a button stronger than like!!! Love this. Let me warm up my keyboard here…
1.) Loyalty is not intrinsically one sided. Loyalty is often abused by people seeking to use it as a means to control you. Loyalty is NOT blind allegiance. Some people want you to believe that it is. It HAS to be a two way street, otherwise, as you have discovered, you are just being disloyal to yourself.
2.) Loyalty is powerful. Sure, loyalty in a denotative sense can be kind of mundane. But we are talking about Loyalty as a virtue. My loyalty, like my respect, is something that is not easily given, and MUST be earned. In the end, we can only be loyal to those whom have been loyal to us. Just because you have had a few drinks with someone doesn’t mean you should cosign a house for them. Someone who has proven themselves a faithful friend, and shown you deep respect commands your loyalty. If you weren’t Loyal to that person, it says to others, that you don’t care about those whom care about you, and generally, only care for yourself.
3.) In my eyes, being a toxic friend IS disloyal. By being the type of person that you cannot rely on etc. they have breached that virtue contract. You owe them nothing more. Now if we are talking about someone going through a hard time, that has been there for you through yours, that is one thing. But if we are talking about a person that consistently brings you down, you try to help them change, but they are a persistently negative force in your life, then you owe it to yourself to cut them lose. And that’s on them.
ONE THING is for certain. We cannot allow people to make us victims because of our virtues. That is precisely what shows society as a whole that it is not worth it to be virtuous. Instead, be Loyal to those whom are Loyal to you, and whom affect your life in such a way that they raise you up to the person you know you should be – the true you.
Any one other than that creates their own reality, and honestly, can go fuck themselves…
Clare: OMG damien, what you said makes so much sense I feel stupid now! LOL. It totally makes sense that I don’t owe people loyalty if they aren’t loyal to me. I am just now realizing that I need to look for red flags with friends just like I need to look for red flags in a relationship. Looking back I can totally see there were red flags there that showed me that she was not trustworthy or loyal but I ignored those red flags because I was 3000 miles from home and wanted a friend. But now I can see that I’m not disloyal if I choose not to be loyal to someone who isn’t loyal to me and that loyalty doesn’t mean that I’m blind or that I can be taken advantage of. Thanks for making it crystal clear for me! ♥
Kristen: It’s happened to me before…when I was in oklahoma I hung out with losers and negative people because I was desperate for friends…then I realized that she was a moron and many other things and told her to go fuck herself :) she was a slut so she probably fucked lots of people instead muahahahaha
Damien: No problem. It’s what I do.
Another piece to that.. That is where it becomes vital to build a network of trustworthy, dependable, loyal friends around you. Red flags are hard to spot a lot of the time. But sometimes the advice of a friend can be muddled with their own agenda.
That is why having a strong network of KAM becomes so important. If you have friends that live beyond jealousy etc. held to an agreed upon moral code or standard, then you can fully trust their judgment and advice.
True, strong, and lasting friendships really are a lot like a marriage, [apt observation btw] and so each friend that you would consider close, or lend your loyalty to, needs to go through the same strict vetting process as a fiancee. Not only because it protects you in the short run, but in the long run, who you surround yourself has a lot of influence on who you are [or who you might become].
Clare: Exactly! (to you both!) 1. She totally ditched me all the time to go get laid with some random guy, she basically thought with her vaj all the time and didn’t care about me and then also put me down in really manipulative ways where it was really hard to even tell if she was putting me down or what.
But I finally realized that I’m not that desperate for a friend that I have to put up with her ish and not only does she bring me down, I don’t really want to be associated with her. Just like I don’t want to be with a guy thats been with every nasty girl on the block I don’t want people to look at my group of friends and be like, ewwwww she’s friends with anything that walks! So yah, suffice it to say that I’ve learned my lesson. =D
Jared: I wish I had something to throw in here but you guys said it all.. Loyalty works both ways, and can never be blind, you have to have discernment of ones character before you just give them everything of you and all of your energy and/or even love. Quote— ” It’s better to push something when it’s slipping Than to risk being dragged down.” – Marilyn Manson — So that sounds cold to most people but its the point where you know that you cannot save people, only they can save themselves, SO if the people around you are negatively influencing your life in one way or another, change your life , not theirs. So if that means they do not get to receive your loyalty, friendship and everything else you have to offer than that is their loss. – Tru
Any thoughts? Where do you stand on Loyalty vs. Self Preservation? …
Where is that void in your life? What are you missing?
We all have something that we are looking for to fill that empty space. You know what I’m talking about. For some they’re missing that family connection, that camaraderie, that feeling of someone needing them or that sense of self-worth.
…
The Need for Kings Among Men
KINGS AMONG MEN is a community centered around Honor. We believe in the importance of living an honorable life, and the strength in banding together with those whom do the same.
WHY COMMUNITY?
America is in uncertain times. That is something we can all agree on. It is the times like these – the most uncertain of times – that it becomes essential to come together in solidarity and pull one another through.
WHY KINGS AMONG MEN?
America abandoned the idea of community a long time ago. But all around you it’s easy to see a culture crying out for community. Some fill this void with church groups, sports teams, work, or gangs.
While these examples can do a lot toward satisfying the need for community, there are two reasons why they don’t seem to be filling the need.
Firstly, their main focus isn’t on the community itself. Whether it be drug trafficking or worshiping a particular deity, the true focus of these groups pull attention away from the community and naturally exclude otherwise valuable potential members.
That isn’t to say that there is anything wrong with these groups, or that you should up and walk away from your church group. But as long as the primary focus rests outside of the community [practicing your religion, playing a sport, or selling drugs], the community will never get the attention it deserves, and will never be a high enough priority. What then is needed is a group where the good of the community is the primary focus.
The second reason that these types of social groups fail to fill this basic need is that for one reason or another they are exclusionary. Exclusionary has virtually become a bad word now days, but the fact is, as long as it is fair and for good reason, there is nothing wrong with exclusion; it is just a fact of life. Some people won’t require the necessary skills for a certain sports team, be of a certain nationality for an ethnocentric organization, or may not be of a certain faith. While excluding someone that can’t catch a ball from a football team certainly serves the teams interest, as a member of the community that person may have been capable of adding a valuable contribution. Just as on your sports team your focus should be your sport, in your community, your focus should be your people.
HOW IS KAM ANY DIFFERENT?
I did a lot of research leading up to the formation of KAM. Upon doing so, I realized that there are tons of social clubs, organized for a myriad of reasons, even for the purpose of community itself. However it seems that the criteria for membership and communal focus always seem to end up excluding people for reasons arbitrary to the cause that do nothing to support the interest of the community.
By centering ourselves on Honor, and opening ourselves up to anyone willing to live honorably, we dually benefit by making the idea of being a positive force within the community the primary focus, and allow ourselves a larger pool from which to draw valuable and participatory members. Why shouldn’t people of different faiths, backgrounds, and beliefs come together in the same community.
At KINGS AMONG MEN we expect nothing more of you than for you to be an honorable person, and to hold us to that same standard.
